The premium 20.
This is what a 20 year-old looks like 🖤
My soul and spirit have never been as conflicted as it has been about writing this and putting it here. Honestly, I’ve had that title etched somewhere in my head since 2019 because being 20 is supposed to be huge and premium. I started working on this sometime in October and it was supposed to be posted a day before my birthday which I missed. However, due to reasons that might sound petty to your ears, I didn’t want to put it out anymore butttttt here I am. Lol
This is basically a recap of my 19th year summarized in 19+1 points(Yoooo!!. Did you see what I did there???)
Alright, here it goes.
(1)Over ten times in one year, your village people will set out on a journey to look for you. At least, 3-4 times in that same year, they will find you, get you and squeeze the hell out of your life. I speak of this from experience. You know I’m spittin' facts.
(2)My nigga, you’ll suffer losses. Your friends will die, a family member will die, a distant relative will die, I’ll die. Eventually, you’ll die too. You see, I’ve learned that death is a very easy phenomenon to understand. it’s not as deep as poets and writers and philosophers make it sound like. When people die, they’ve stopped breathing, they cease to exist, there’s no utopia or nirvana. It is the acceptance of death that is difficult. The memories of all these people will haunt you. To escape this is to die first.
(3)To be part of a revolution is to sacrifice a part or all of your being. All our lives, the Nigerian Government has always said "we don’t give a shit about how y’all survive". In October, they looked You and me in our faces and said "fuck you". However, it’s highly commendable that we fought so hard, we put our bodies and sanity on the line for each other. With October came deaths. Don’t let them gaslight you into thinking it didn’t happen.
(4) Dear Uwa, I hope you’re resting in Peace. My chest tightens every time I remember you. For you, silence will never be an option.
(5)What happens when your lover dies? Is it allowed to not move on because moving on sounds like a sin? Life doesn’t have to continue after every loss or does it?. I do not know these things. Rest in Peace, Oke.
(6)So much love and light to my body for been through different seasons of acceptance and self adequacy.
"...Your body is an altar
Nobody sees a sacred altar and refrains from bowing
A structural perfection, I must confess..."
(7)No, I do not think that I am undeserving of God’s love. In my opinion, that is faux humility. I am called a peculiar people and a royal priesthood. That’s huge and being placed on a high pedestal. However, I am grateful for the intense, heartfelt, and never-ending love.
(8)"...Home could be person(s) or object(s). Many of us might be homeless after all. The concept of a home might be faux..."
(9)To be a hard girl is to suffer. Stop lying, opinions of certain people matter to you, you owe certain people a lot, you double text and send epistles, you cry, you’re mushy and emotional, you hoard memories and revel in them as often as possible. All of these things are okay. Embrace it. Be passionate about something and say NO to Apathy.
(10)Don’t let them lie to you. Age and maturity aren’t always independent of each other. maturity is also quite subjective. I am 20 years old. Do not expect me to act 25. I shall act like I’m 20.
(11)Human beings rape and assault other humans. They reach into the bus from outside, squeeze your breast and run. sometimes, they pretend to hug you and touch your butt. Call them by the identity they possess. A man or a woman. Not dogs. Not animals. They are human beings.
(12) I know I should write a whole story of over a thousand words about you but I wouldn’t. So, I’ll keep scattering pieces of you everywhere until I’m exhausted - A piece of you I
(13) I’ll leave a piece of you right here for when I return. There’s a weird assurance that I’ll write a lot about you but until then, I’ll leave this here. - A piece of you II
(14) I do not think I’m not where I’m supposed to be in life because I barely make comparisons with other people. I do my best to set standards for myself and live by it. However, I suffered two major rejections that hit me hard in the last year. I was expectant and it was supposed to be a headstart in exploring the creative industry. I would submit more applications this year tho’. I’ll explore as much as I can. I might face rejection but I’ll try all the same. Amen
(15) Sustaining human companionships and relationships is a huge win for me. My friends and acquaintances are solid. Being surrounded by people who are passionate about my growth and my art is so much bliss. Man must never settle for friendships that do not serve a purpose.
"...See, I believe that the only things that really matter in the grand scheme of life are God and People..."
(16) Good health isn’t as underrated as you probably think it is. At least, I do not underrate it. The past year was so special because of this one.
(17) Again, stop lying to us and yourself. Your childhood was pretty intense and bad. you didn’t turn out well. Therefore, you should seek help and turn to a counselor or therapist. There’s no such thing as overhyping mental health-related issues. They are vital. Therapy isn’t a foreign thing.
(18) I lived the lives of countless people in the last year. I walked the path my mothers walked with Morayo. I lived through the insecurities and panache of Jagua Nana. Alongside Mariam and Laila, I know what it feels like to live in a patriarchal society but still survive and what it feels like to be a girl child during a war. All of these characters and the ones not mentioned will resonate with me for a long time. This is why I read books. This is why you should read books.
(19)One or all of my women should be yours too. CNA for writing with so much simplicity, for teaching me the fundamentals of feminism. ASA, for good music with lyrics for every mood I find myself in. She’s confirmation that our gods are not dead. Aisha Yesufu, for always being at the forefront of every battle for my life and the future of my unborn children. These women are a reminder that my existence as a woman matters in every sphere of life.
(20)The creative process can truly be exhausting. To write and read your work weeks or months after is to relive all of the things you’ve written but I have almost nothing else to call mine except these words. You make it easier. You read every time I want you to. Thank you for making my 19th a productive one.
20 and all the years to come❤️
