Happiness and pure vibes.
Oh yeah, and love too(rolls eyes).
I’m sitting in front of the TV right now and I have a very large smile on my face. Anyone will think I know what I hope to achieve with this piece. I have a very faint idea but I’m just certain something good will come out of this so you just have to read to the end. I’ve been feeling quite generous lately so I think It’s only fair and reasonable that I make you relate to my happy days the same way you relate to the sad times. Basically, I’m going down memory lane, telling you what makes me happy, how much of a lover I am and what gives me pure joy. I hope to be as specific as I can be too.
ON HAPPINESS;
"The true secret of happiness lies in the genuine interest in all the details of daily life" --William Moris
The barbing salon
See, I barely write about my happy times. I write better when I’m at my lowest. I’m just certain that on days when you see me burst into hysterical bouts of laughter, I am happy. Often times, I get so engulfed in sadness that I do not even get to bask in happy times when they come (Are you guilty too or it’s just me), butttttt on Sundays when I leave the barbing salon, I am happy. I am happy when I look into the mirror and see myself in my “semi-pure” form. Sometimes, I look bald (hey gawddd! My edges have suffered in this life). Other times, I look "irresponsible" and “boyish” but I like it because I’m certain I look fine every time. Those Sundays come with a reminder that I am a work of art, a creation of a connoisseur of Art. Simply put, I am a fine woman and that makes happy. On the Mondays that follow, my heart leaps for joy when I pass through lecture theatres, crowds and when I use the ATM. I make heads turn and make mouths whisper. The words they whisper to each other and the reasons their heads turn to look at me do not concern me but the fascination I see in their eyes excites me. Therefore, it gives me pure joy when I wake up in the morning and remember that I am on a lowcut.
Holl up... Did I just flex hard on y’all in just one paragraph??. Good stuff!
Kay’s, indulge, orente, rotunda, banwill and all the rest of the places that give me joy;
I barely cook because I do not enjoy it so I eat out the majority of times (wife material zero yards abi??? I sabi). The names listed above are my plugs, It is usually with great joy that I walk into them, shine my teeth at the attendants, give out my ATM card to be inserted into the POS and spend more than #500 even on days when I have lesser than #2000(yesss, be like ment) but satisfying my cravings is ultimate even if it means perishing. Reminds me of nights in Alumni, room 106 where my roommates cheer me on to spend carelessly and times that I do the same for them and whenever we go broke, we laugh at our misery. Reminds of one particular midnight I bought suya and milkshake from orente and went to motion ground. As I was about to sit, my suya fell and the milkshake poured. Abeg, don’t ask me if I cried because I did as I walked back to my room and the next day, I narrated my experience to my friends and we laughed at my selfishness. Satisfaction and enjoyment make me happy. Man must revel in every form of enjoyment that is accessible to man. It doesn’t have to be profound, it is in the little things life has to offer.
P.s: The places mentioned above are in OAU. Therefore, if you do not school there, you might not have a vivid memory of them so, forgive me but I ask that you imagine your food spilling because I want you to feel the pain I felt. Okay?
Intelligent discourse;
Conversations surrounding Gender and sexuality, feminism, art, poetry, books and all the fine things of life makes me happy. These conversations create chances to explore and that makes me feel good. The switch on the faces of boys from excitement to confusion when I first say that I am not a feminist but go ahead to say that I support the movement makes me laugh. How under the entirety of the heavens do you expect me to totally and aggressively condemn a movement that liberated my foremothers and still doing the same for me, my mother, my sisters, and my girlfriends. How my dear??? Tell me how bros???. I am laughing right now as I remember the day a certain boy told me he would find it uncomfortable if his wife earned more in the future (I dusted my slippers and ran from him…literally. I wasn’t born to suffer). You might be wondering what makes me happy about these. My reasons range from discovering the absurdity in the reasoning of people in this century to the confirmation from people that I am smart, intelligent and a good conversationalist (inject it in my vein my dear. Inject it!!!!!!)
I want to keep ranting and shoving my happiness down your throats but I have to talk about love and shove my singleness and cockiness down your throat too.
ON LOVE,
"Love frees us of all the pain of life" -- I don’t know who, dears.
I was 13 the first time I got asked out. “would you be my girlfriend” was written on a piece of paper with options of YES/NO. I kuku picked yes because he was a fine boy, my friends thought the paper idea was sweet and I had the perception that boys wanting me was equal to validation. I do not remember the things we spoke about or the things we did as there was absolutely no form of intimacy. It fizzled out but the rawness of our emotions and the innocence that came with it felt good all the same. In all honesty, I am yet to fully grasp the dynamics of love and what it means to wholly love someone as I am single to stupor and I have been for a long time now. I find it scary how invested a person can be in you and expect vulnerability and openness in return.
Legit, I feel that I am acutely incapacitated, selfish and egoistic even. No, I do not “prove” that I am hard to get, the truth is just that I can be quite inaccessible. You’ll confess the love you have for me and I’ll bless your kind soul because loving another human is an act of kindness and I'm grateful. Other times, I am kind enough to warn you ahead not to fall because I won’t catch you since I have absolutely nothing to give back to you. I refuse to let you stress me because you find me alluring. Also, never have I ever had to beg for basic human decency such as attention, support, comfort and reassurance (yen yen yen… I’m lying abeg! I caught myself slipping just last week. I decided and agreed to engage in a difficult conversation instead of simply riding on the high wave of energy and intense love for myself that I had just discovered and Started to explore but mo jazz up so it's not exactly a lie. Basically, I was searching for comfort in the wrong place). Am I flexing again? No, I’m not (one boy has left my message on delivered for two weeks now and I am pained actually). We are humans and it’s perfectly okay to crave companionship. Don't be a hard guy, e no too pay laidat. Embrace your softness. Okay?
It’s just really satisfying that I own up to the mistakes I make and I apologize as if my existence depends on it but really, it kind of does. I have come to understand that accepting one’s mistakes and forgiving oneself is all a part of growth and self-love. I hope that you get to a stage where you hear love and you think about yourself first. You deserve to give yourself all of the love in this world. You must love your flaws, accept your insecurities, and choose yourself in tough times because the only thing that is truly yours is the ability to make choices. It’s hard but it’s a process you must embrace.
I am proud of myself and I can boldly say that I am in a good place now. Mentally and emotionally, I am doing just fine.
I am all shades of happy that it’s beginning to even scare me.
I might have a relapse or breakdown someday because actually, problems no dey finish but I'll come back here and bask in the euphoric times I just shared with you.
I hope this also drives you to think about the happy times you’ve had and I hope you laugh so hard. You deserve it, my love.
You give me reasons to write so I love you even when you have a tough time loving yourself.
P.S: I make my hair now and I still look fine.haq!
You made it to the end. Adios!
